


It should've never happened

by RedRoseCarnage



Series: Suehiro's life [2]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Childhood Memories, Father Figures, Flashbacks, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love/Hate, M/M, Mixed feelings, Non-Linear Narrative, One-Sided Attraction, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 08:48:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16761871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedRoseCarnage/pseuds/RedRoseCarnage
Summary: Suehiro's thoughts about some not so pleasant childhood memories and experiences,regarding his neighbour Hideaki.





	It should've never happened

I was attracted by your sweet words. I was attracted by your kindness.  
I was attracted by your never-ending patience,even when I'd throw a tantrum.  
You made it all seem so real,always playing the same role over and over again.  
Always pretending to take care of me,knowing exactly what to say and what to do to please and   
comfort me. I was so foolishly happy because of the way you used to treat me.

Me,the child not even his own mother wanted. Me,the child who was left alone with   
someone who despised him. Me,who would always look for you whenever troubles appeared.  
Me,who was dragged into this mess by you even though I trusted you the most.  
Me,the child that offered you not only his innocence,but his body too.

And,in the end,you got what you wanted : a child you could use for your own pleasure.

So,let's talk about this child for a second. The one you blatantly abused.  
You must've been so happy to have found me. 

Back then,I was so innocent and easy to lure.  
I'd fall for every word,every compliment,every promise you made.  
Of course I'd give in when you said not to tell anyone because it was our secret.  
It made me feel special.  
Even if it killed me not being able to tell it to my father. I did it to protect you,or at least  
the idea I had of you. But I reached my limit,couldn't keep hiding it anymore. I was getting sick  
just like you. I felt like I was not normal,as if I had become someone else,someone I hated.  
Worst of all,I thought it was all my fault. Thought I was the guilty one. That's why it took a   
while to tell him,my father,about it.

And,even when I'd told my dad about it,no one was able to do anything regarding this.  
He was the only one who believed me;she couldn't care less,said I was making it up for attention  
or that it was just a child's phase. He tried talking her out of it,but maybe it was denial.  
Maybe she didn't want to accept the reality of her own son being abused under her nose,especially  
by one of her closest friends. 

After I told him,I'd often see him crying around the house,maybe wondering why I hadn't told him  
earlier,thinking about all the things he could've done to prevent this,what could he do to help.  
He used to blame himself for multiple things and the abuse was one of them.  
Whenever we tried talking about it,I'd always apologise to him and he'd comfort me telling me it  
wasn't my fault,bla bla bla,all that victim talk. I hated that.

You probably have no idea of the damage you inflicted,not only on me,but on my father as well.  
While you would wake up feeling great,somedays I'd wake up feeling nauseous or like throwing up.  
I'd even miss school. While you were deeply asleep,I'd lay down wide awake crying myself to sleep  
While you moved on with your life normally after it,I tried my best to go back to normal,just to  
fail again. 

Only now can I clearly see it was all meaningless.  
Every word,every kiss,every touch.  
You were so selfish. Just wanted to reach your goal.  
After you used me,I was discarded and then you left.

You turned me into this mess I am nowadays,but I still can't blame you entirely. Why?  
Because I loved you. Despite all the things you put me through, I endured it because I liked you.  
How stupid of me huh?

Sometimes,I can't help but wonder.  
'Were you regretful?'  
'Have you ever been regretful?'  
'Were you ashamed,ever?' Probably not,right?  
Then why did you cry in front of me when we met again,years ago?  
Why couldn't you even look me in the eyes?

I wish I had the time to ask you all these questions,but I've grown now and you've left me alone  
forever...


End file.
